Chapter 1: Listen to Me 1 Listen to Me
I’M MESMERIZED BY the sound of the popcorn popping in the microwave and the smell that floods the kitchen. Mmm, delicious, I think, smiling as I pour Coke into a glass. This is the event I wait for all day, the one thing I look forward to in all the hours I spend inside this house. I take the popcorn out of the microwave, pick up the glass with my other hand, and move down the hall to my bedroom, walking on air. It’s silly how much I cherish this moment; we often learn to appreciate the little things in life after being on the verge of losing it all.

I sit on the bed, place the popcorn on the nightstand, and put on my headphones. They’re purple—my favorite color—and big, covering my ears entirely, and they tend to pinch my head. Even so, I don’t want to get new ones; they were a gift from my mother and hold sentimental value for me. I open the radio app on my phone and find the usual station. I shove a handful of popcorn in my mouth, checking the time: My favorite show is about to start. The host of the six o’clock hour signs off energetically, and they go to commercials before the seven o’clock show begins.

Then the moment arrives. I hear his voice, and my heart races. “Good evening, folks,” says that voice I love so much, the voice that has been with me through so many hard times. “Thank you for tuning in tonight. Without further ado, I welcome you to tonight’s evening show: Follow My Voice. I’m Kang, your friend and companion for this hour.”

Kang.

The first time I heard him, it was by chance: I was in the living room, bored, playing Candy Crush on my phone, and my sister, being old-school, had left the radio on some random college station. Kang’s show began and, when I heard his voice—so smooth and comforting—the way he spoke, his comments on the different topics, and the songs he’d chosen, I was instantly captivated. As I listened to him, I got to know him, and I learned that we share the same passion for pastries, poetry, and music. He’s even mentioned my favorite bakery in the city several times. He’s very smart; I can tell by the way he talks, with the confidence of someone completely secure in their knowledge.

I have no idea what he looks like, and I have no intention of finding out. I like the platonic feelings I have for him, far removed from any romantic sentiment. I don’t want anything more than that—it would only complicate things and that’s not a luxury I can afford at the moment.

“Tonight we have a beautiful full moon, have you seen it? If you’re at home, I want you to look out your window right now; if you’re driving, please keep your eyes on the road, you can see it later.”

I get up and walk to my window; he’s right, as always. The moon hangs clear and luminous in the night sky.

“Nights like this make me think about the infinite perfection of the universe.”

I can’t take my eyes off the moon.

“We’re merely tiny specks in this gigantic galaxy of ours, yet, even so, there are days when we feel like everything revolves around us. We humans can be very self-centered. But we are also capable of amazing things. I suppose, like with everything, we have our good and our bad.”

I place my hand on the window and outline the shape of the full moon with my index finger, a perfect circle. I wish I was the moon, not a person living in this defective shell of a body that struggles to survive every day.

“I’m going to start with a song I like a lot, by a local band. I hope you like it.” A slow, melancholic tune begins to play:

I just need a minute to process all these

feelings.

You are silence,

my calm in this storm,

the cure to this pain that I feel.

Please, don’t go;

please, don’t go.

I’m all out of words, the silence hurts,

your glances burn

and I blaze with feelings.

Feelings…

Feelings for… you…

There’s a silence when the song ends and Kang sighs before speaking. “A pretty sentimental song, huh? You’ve just heard ‘What I Feel,’ from the band P4. Don’t forget to support our local talent by following them on social media and listening to their songs.”

I walk back over to the bed and take a sip of Coke.

“I chose that song to kick off tonight’s topic. We get messages every day from people asking for heartbreak songs. I think love is an incredible feeling, but it can bring with it other emotions that aren’t so incredible if that love isn’t reciprocated. Have you ever had your heart broken?”

Love is not something I’ve given much thought to this past year; love isn’t for people like me, infected and defective. It’s for people like Kang: successful, with a bright future ahead of them. The curiosity is killing me; I hope he says something about this aspect of his life. That’s what I like most about his show: He first talks in general about a topic and then gives us his opinion and shares his personal experiences.

“I have to admit that I’ve never been in love, so my thoughts on the matter might not be very insightful. But I’ve seen a lot of people in love, and I’ve witnessed the effects it can have. In some cases, it changes people for the better, in others, for the worse. But don’t worry if you’ve had your heart broken; time heals all wounds, and you’ll find someone new to make you twice as happy. Like I always say…”

“We have to learn from the bad and turn the page to move forward,” we recite in unison.

“We’ll go now to another song, and when we come back, I’ll read some of your messages about tonight’s topic. Don’t forget, that number is…”

The next song starts after he finishes giving out the number, which I know by heart despite the fact that I’ve never sent a message to the show. Why would I? Like I said, it’s enough for me to just listen. I don’t want or need anything else. I couldn’t deal with any more complications right now.

Kang, it’s enough for me to enjoy your show and hear you say, “Follow my voice.”