Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has a lifestyle most guidettes dream about. But can she help it if she was born to love fake tans and juiceheads? In this must-have guide to being a guidette, America’s favorite pint-sized princess shares her secrets for ROCKING it, Jersey-style.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to arm yourself with bronzer, a tease comb, and makeup brushes and join the Snooki Style Revolution. When guidettes march in, people notice. It’s the attitude. The boldness. The sex appeal. The tan. The serious shortage of hairspray in the surrounding area. You have to experiment in life, or you’ll be boring. From her top twenty-five rules for being a guidette, to her smushable makeup and skin secrets, to her rules on Snookin’ for love, Snooki’s sickest tips and advice for friggin’ owning it are all here, along with hundreds of full color photographs and the official Snictionary for easy reference.

But that’s not all. There’s a lot more to the diminutive reality star than what you see on TV. Snooki shares her obsessions (her bed, Viva Glam Gaga bright pink lipstick, sci-fi movies) and some juicy behind-the-Shore secrets (which season was her favorite, what it was like to wake up in a jail cell in season two, why the house smells like alcohol and dog’s butt). For everything else, you’ll just have to read the book!

Being a guidette princess is about being yourself, doing what you want, and trying to have a good time wherever you are. So strap yourselves in, bitches! And get ready for the ride.

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It’s the Snooki Style Revolution, bitches!

“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”

“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”

“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”

“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”

“I like to wear so many accessories that people are confused.”

“Guidettes are born with attitude. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, skinny, round, or a Smurf, or what your background is, we put on our bronzer and we fricken rock our princess status. Like, get out of our way, we don’t care what you think. Unless you’re a mirror.”